Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Say something about gay babies.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
