Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She bit a glass in half.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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