you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
