I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
