wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
