Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize