i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
