You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
