Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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