I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
