well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
