why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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