What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize