You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
