I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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