We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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