I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize