God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize