Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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