id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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