If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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