How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
