I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
