in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
