I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
