As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
