I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
