I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
