thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
