I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish I only lived at night.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize