Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
