Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
