Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
