I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
