I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
