i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
