The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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