i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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