You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
