She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
