mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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