what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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