I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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