I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
