I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
