Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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