C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
