I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
