you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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