After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize