Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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