I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
