whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
