Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
