theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
