I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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