i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
