Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
