once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
