Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
