Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
