btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
