false alarm. still invincible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
