that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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