The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
