Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
