if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
