He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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