"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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