Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
