Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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