Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
