I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize