She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
