Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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