Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
